Former First Lady Michelle Obama on a recent episode of her IMO podcast with guests Damon and Marlon Wayans, shared valuable parenting lessons for modern-day parents who may go to extremes – either by excessive disciplining or overprotecting their children.
Michelle, a mother of two grown-up daughters, Malia, 26, and Sasha, 23, is in favour of disciplining children and letting them learn from their mistakes. However, she realized that spanking them was a misstep and stopped doing it immediately.
There are better ways to teach your children
During her recent podcast, while discussing methods of disciplining children, Michelle said she used to spank her daughters, but realised that it “embarrassed” her.
“I felt silly,” she said. “It took a couple of spankings for me to be like, yeah, you know what, this is a little kid and the fact that I can’t think of any better way to get my point across than to smack somebody on the butt, I felt embarrassed.”
Spanking is more common in households than one would ever think. A 2012 study involving more than 11,000 US families found that over 80% of mothers reported spanking their children. However, a paper published in American Psychologist mentions how physical punishment of children (including spanking) is ineffective, and more importantly, it is harmful as it may result in behavioral and mental health problems.
Important for parents to create boundaries, structure
Despite abandoning corporal punishment, Obama emphasized that she remained a strict and intentional parent, committed to setting clear boundaries. She spoke of the importance of respect and structure in the home, something she feels many parents today are reluctant to enforce.
“When kids say ‘I hate my mom’, it’s like, you better say that in your head, in your room. You don’t say that out loud. You know, parents are too afraid to set those kinds of boundaries. And I think that’s also part of the challenge that we’re facing in this generation,” she said during the podcast.
Allowing children to make mistakes
Another key lesson Michelle shared was the value of letting children experience failure and learn from it. In an era where many parents try to shield their kids from discomfort, she stressed the importance of stepping back and allowing young people to make their own decisions and mistakes.
“I think nowadays a lot of parents are trying to live their kids’ lives for them so that they don’t make any mistakes and don’t feel any sense of failure which keeps them from learning,” she said.
“I raised you to have some sense, to have judgment. And at some point, you’ve got to practice that, which means that I’ve got to let go.”
While many modern parents are more gentle in their parenting approach than strict, setting boundaries and letting children live their own lives, could help them lead an independent life when they grow up.
